January 31, 2007

God help me...

Now...


Now everytime I look in the mirror...

my own coldly accusing eyes

"You listened to it 3 times in a row because you wanted to - You were only able to stop by listening to the candyland song - You are weak"

  • Scissor Sisters
  • January 30, 2007

    Rockwell/Vance season record 1-1

    Played badminton for the first time tonight, finally. My feet are getting toughened up from the hours standing, walking, and lifting at my job. They still kinda hurt a bit after work, but I can tell it's only a couple more weeks at most til I feel no pain at all. The first week was hell. At least my boss is nice and let me wear my court shoes, contrary to dress code, for the first week.

    Anyways, badminton was pretty good. I walked on when I first got there, Jon hadn't shown up yet, and I was pulled into a game. I then broke the news to my partner (all doubles play) that it was my first time playing badminton. He looked a little reluctant at first, lol, but he was patient and kindof explained the rules. I made all the mistakes I could and there were a lot of laughs. My two-handed backhand really cracked them up. "Tennis" I explained. I kept starting to go to the back of the court to serve and then remembering I could serve from midcourt. Naturally, we had our asses handed to us, but it felt good to win the next game when I partnered up with Jon, and to give the next couple of opponents a close game. Then Jon played with some other people and I had to face off with the pros and once again looked the part of a fish out of water. Someone cracked they could tell I was a tennis player when I pulled a birdie out of my pocket, lol. I'm looking forward to going again and having that to do 2 nights a week til tennis starts up.

    One of the ladies made a screwed up face when I mentioned I'd stop badminton as soon as I could get on the tennis courts. She was only thinking about the fact that badminton happens at night and tennis in the day, but I don't want to cross my wires when I start in hard to the tennis this year. I kept trying to put spin on my shots tonight. Kinda hard to get topspin on a birdie, or a slice overhead smash. On a positive note, some of my best shots were mishits. You can really hear the metal when the birdie hits the edge. People are like "good shot" but you know they know.
    or do they?..

    January 29, 2007

    Sociopath

    Someone I don't know once provided this link via a comment on one of my posts. I didn't read it way back then but I've read it now.

    After speculating what it would be like to be a sociopath I realised I just wouldn't care...

    http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/spath.htm

    January 28, 2007

    Repeat Performance

    Last night Dustix came over and we started off with watching the recording of Federer dismantling Roddick in 3 short sets. Then at 12:30am it was time for the men's final.

    #10th seed - Fernando Gonzalez:

    VS

    #1 seed - Roger Federer


    The first set was really intense as Gonzalez had set points, but Federer pulled it all together and in the end was the first person since Bjorn Borg in 1980 to win a slam event without dropping a single set, and I think there's 2 more matches in slam tournaments currently. This was Roger's tenth slam title. Not only that, but he became the first person to ever win 3 different slam titles 3 times each. Not only that, but winning this final extended his win streak to his personal record of 36 matches. His previous win streak was 35 matches which ended back in 2006.

    It was so funny after the match when the president of the tennis association in Australia came out and said "Fernando you've accomplished many good things this tournament.., and Roger, you're special."



    Roger is on track for this year and this may be the year he makes a calendar slam (winning all 4 slam events in one year). If he can just beat Nadal on clay...

    Watching Federer play and seeing how easy he makes it look really makes me want to go out and hit some balls. Too bad spring is months away. Thank god I don't play warcraft anymore. Maybe this year will be the year I compete locally :D


    This morning, Dustin sent me this link which is pretty unreal:
    Scuba Kitty


    And finally, I wanna give a shout out to my baby who makes me feel warm and cuddly every time I read one of her emails or talk to her on the phone. I can't wait to come see you in Jersey and hold you again! Rawr! Thanks for calling and waking me up this morning, hun. It was the best segue from dream to reality ever! <3

    January 25, 2007

    The Greatest

    "I fear no one,
    but respect everyone"
    --Roger Federer


    It's about a half hour past midnight, and I'm getting ready to watch the semifinal of the AUS Open between Roddick and Federer. The air is filled with an energy as everyone waits to see if the new and improved Andy can put an end to Roger's 12-1 ownership of him, or if Roger can take him in straight sets as he seeks to be the first person to win a slam title without dropping a set since Bjorn Borg in 1980.

    January 24, 2007

    Satisfied With Milk

    Milk is good enough.

    I still love Habby

    Frank Boothe says:
    you can't ask me a question
    Capt Veggy says:
    which one?

    January 22, 2007

    Narrative nonfiction by patrick vance

    I stood in the aisle watching her look through the glass at the frozen delights. Without realizing it, her reflection was also watching her, so now I knew I had a friend. Red was my color. I walked up behind her, gained another friend, and the trinity of our conspiracy was complete. The fourth had no idea what was to come next, but by no means did the 3 of us have designs on her with any sort of frozen delight.


    Jon made me post this.

    They say

    They say "You only get out of it what you put into it"

    Could you imagine if that was true for everything?

    Doctor: Congratulations! You've given birth to.. a bunch of old sperm!
    Woman: But I was expecting a baby!
    Doctor: Well, first you'd have to put a baby in there... After all, you only get out of it what you put into it.

    How do they know I posted?

    Seems like only a short while goes by before the spambots hit me. Then after I hit delete a couple times they don't show til the next post. Then sometimes I think they don't even comment. I'm like WTF? My blog's not even worth spamming?

    ATTN SPAMMERS:
    I won't delete any spam that hits this post, I promise!
    I will, however, delete any comments from real people I know.
    I declare today, Spam Day! Jan... what is it? the 22nd? I could check but not knowing is more fun...ner hahaha.






    I checked. It's the 27th






    in 5 days




    I tracked down a translation to this, but it wasn't easy considering it's an image and my kerboard doesn't make those characters. Luckily I have the password to the jihadinet.

    Woman: I can't believe it's all sperm!












    Ok, I lied. I won't delete anyone's comments.














    .
    k byeee

    January 21, 2007

    X,Y

    January 20, 2007

    I love Weird Al

    I also love how someone put his polka to this video!

    People do silly things

    radial gradient

    I am fast expression and careful exploration.
    I am reserved action and fast reflexes.
    I am inflexible and yielding,
    to you.

    January 19, 2007

    If you can't fly, just glide.

    I dreamt I was in a mall in the underground parking and came to an opening in the wall that opened out onto the city below. It was quite high up, on a hillside. I jumped out the opening. I had a pilot chute attached to my waist and I was using a plastic grocery bag as a hangglider. The hang on it was incredible, much like riding a paper airplane as a microscopic passenger. I discovered I could steer by leaning. I glided towards another highrise that had apartments stretching all the way up (and down). Each apartment had a rather nice, large balcony. I landed on one and was granted a view of the living room of an elderly woman who was surprised to see me fly in on a plastic bag. I smiled with mischief and then jumped off her balcony as she came running towards the sliding glass door. I slowly glided towards a river where I made a gentle landing and then I think the dream might have continued...

    January 18, 2007

    So wassup?

    What's the best part of your life right now?

    January 16, 2007

    Ow my feet!

    So I work at a local supermarket now as a produce manager. Right now I'm just learning the stocking end, but soon I'll also be responsible for ordering, receiving, and sometimes pricing. My boss is a nice guy. He's friendly and is also patient. And the hours are ftw. I'll never have to be at work any earlier than 7:30am

    It's been several years since I had to spend 8 hours on my feet, though. So yeah, my feet hurt lol. It'll probly take til the end of this week to toughen them up, but I'm happy to be doing a job that's more physically demanding than my last cubicle job. Back at that job (Sufferland) my days mostly consisted of sitting at work for 8 hours and then coming home and sitting for another 8+ while I played World of Warcraft(WoW). Not the healthiest regime.

    Incidentally, I quit Warcraft last night on the eve of the big expansion coming out. This is a picture of my warlock who I named Federer after my tennis hero (he's speaking on my TV right now!):

    I poured so much time into that game so I could be super leet and pwn everyone and then ultimately I got bored of it. Sure, the expansion was coming out and there would be new content, but it's all the same shit. There was nothing left for me to learn about playing my character. The game wasn't a waste though. I made a lot of friends in the game though, and met one very special girl who would ultimately become my dream of love. After that, WoW merely became a very visual instant messenger. Kinda like an MSN that would try to kill you. So, in the end, WoW was the only video game in my life that carried any importance to the outcome of my life. The booster rockets have broken off and the shuttle carries on into space...


    Incidentally, this is a picture of a bunch of birds saying WTF MATE??:

    January 15, 2007

    New Job Day

    I began my job search on Thursday and ended up getting an interview for my troubles. On Friday I had my interview, and Saturday I got the job.

    I start today, in 20 min, so.. wish me luck :D
    I'll tell ya more after the first day is over...

    January 12, 2007

    What is Patrick thinking about?

    January 08, 2007

    Cute





    Snowcastles and Sandballs

    "Words can't describe" are so often used to...




    Dano Bofano...
    I remember Dano coming over and seeing my Dad's kitchen and telling me about all his foodsafe alarms going off in his head.
    I think eating here at Daddy's has probly conditioned me to be immune to several types of food poisoning. Or at least, more resistant.
    I wonder how my buddy Dano is doing in Vancouver.
    Cheers buddy, if you read this. I thought of you as I carried the still-warm lasagna, that had sat in the warm oven for hours, downstairs to cool in the garage.




    I love when my mind shows me things. Like, when something clicks, right?
    Like.. when you first notice something in a movie that's out of place.

    I was watching Grumpy Old Men. First of all, still a great movie, even after seeing it 18 times in the last few months. There's this part where the dark haired old man had boarded up the front door of the white haired guy's house to stop the taxman from repoing all his shit. There's like 20 boards all over the door, nailed in. Well the taxman tries to start prying off the boards while Dark Hair tells Female Lead that he's up to something. It turns out when he was so cleverly up to was setting up taxman. Above the door on the roof portion of the house was a ton of snow. As taxman hacks and pries at the boards on the door, the vibrations loosen the snow and it falls on him. That's when I thought: Why wouldn't the nailing of 20 boards loosen the snow before not even prying one board off would?

    ...sigh




    I could be ruling the world right now.
    Instead I'm just owning it and not taking responsibility..

    January 07, 2007

    Virginity Pain

    I remember the first time I ate shrimp. It didn't go so well; I had no idea you were supposed to remove the meat from the shell. I thought people just tossed em back the way they were.

    Anyways, it's all good now :D

    January 06, 2007

    XOMG CAREFUL!!

    January 05, 2007

    i don't know why things go wrong

    this clip was very compelling to me..




    and this one cracks me up because of the way

    his arm is already flacid after his victory pump.
    Something just seems wrong about it...

    Speaking of wrongs...
    You think this is against any laws?

    What about this?

    New Geist City

    You didn't check the pulse
    or keep your ear to the ground
    By the time you noticed
    It had all fallen down


    Disco dischord infecting alarm alerting
    Conscious karma connecting disconcerting
    Official fission fusing flirting
    Dancing diving disaster skirting
    A railing leaning outwards jerking
    Inside my eyes these tears are lurking
    Falling forward failing tracking
    Fear leaves small lungs closed and hacking
    The power pursuant policy inherent
    Governed by forces occasionally errant
    Stroll the scenic and take your time
    Wait it out and all will rhyme


    January 04, 2007

    For fans of Metallica and laughter

    **Enter Sandman c/o Richard Cheese**


    2 things are funny about this video:
    **Early tennis pro**
    1) You don't need a shock absorber on your strings at age 2, but props for authenticity!
    2) That child is gonna choke on that shock absorber eventually, but props for infanticide or toddlercide or w/e the name is when you allow your babies to choke with tennis gear.


    Jon plays badminton in the winter. I think I'm gonna take it up here soon too just for kicks :D It's like, 1/2 nights a week i think, so yeah. Get in there and run after some birdies!
    This is what I expect it will be like (excluding mounting other men, and anything the guy with the headband does): **Badassminton**

    And finally, this seemed like the most ridiculous picture I could post atm:



    WTF are they trying to say? Pet horses outnumber pet gerbils/hamsters? What about parakeets? I can't fucking believe that horses were represented but rodents and birds were left out. Fuck **Pet Hotel**, I say.

    January 02, 2007

    Gently down the stream

    Row row row your boat
    row your boat
    don't row my boat
    just row that boat, the one you're in
    row it mofo and don't you sin!


    I shall never fully understand the true nature of magic, but nonetheless, I shall wield it with all my god-given strength. Anything that happens that I want to happen will now no longer be the result of any kind of work or effort. From now on, all results result from magic and magic alone. Therefore, I am a magician.

    I'll run an ad too--
    Wizard looking for work. Can cast black magic spells such as "Rub Gerbil Furiously" and "Make light of dim people"

    January 01, 2007

    Falsity

    When someone says "THIS is what I get for forgiving you!?" they didn't really forgive you.

    See the unwarranted expectation.
    See the contradiction.