a quickening that is translated

According to Agnes de Mille: "I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. ... I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly,"

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"

She'll never forget

that on our first date I stole a shopping cart from homeless people.

Aftershock

You know, I've kinda come to the realisation that love is not for me. I've done my best. I've been as patient as I could for months and months and my reward was that I was called demanding. Don't ever be demanding people!! And by demanding, I mean, don't ever try to hold a woman accountable for what her mouth is doing. The mouths of woman are autonomous entities bound to noone, not even the women they're attached to.

Yeah love is not for me. This is what it does. It makes me bitter. It makes me blind. I will not have it. I must seek another passionate pursuit for the rest of my life, and maybe just fuck a few loveless housewives along the way :D

Don't Believe Her

when she says she needs you
it's just a lie
that you've heard before

You'll find something
so concrete as need
turns to greed awfully fast

don't believe her
when she says she loves you
she's in love with a hole
that she can't fill

You'll find something
so passionate as love
runs thin all too fast

don't believe her
when she says she'll call
there's too much laundry and too much shopping
dare to hope and ye shall fall

expect the snake's bite
instead of lost kisses
when you ask after
forgotten promises

You're in for a fuckin treat

You're in for the treat?
It's me you'd like to meet?
Where did he go you say?
I been here since today.

Don't know where i was
hashed and smashed on fuzz
spilling my own blood
in my mind seeing red

but y'all know i rock the blue
calm cool collected smooth
some triflin ripple across my pond
won't bring my castle crashing down



Get an email from me? At the end it reads more Patrick than may even exist. That's cuz I don't need to outlast this shit. It's yours forever.

Every now and then

The truth of who I am
the structure of identity
is transient
conditional

aren't you?

i mean

isn't yours?

i mean

what are you?

i mean

what are you to me?

Why maintain a balance when tipping the scales in favor of the positive should surely dump one in a vat of bliss, ness pah?
keska say?
I arrived at a conclusion today.
Conclusions are a good place to end things.
Things like, lines of thought.
You could end a line of thought anywhere, and I suppose you could continue a line of thought past it's natural conclusion as well.

But I can't continue a piece of bacon past it's natural conclusion. Disintegration in the jaws of the bacon-crusher.

So much harder to gauge the intangibles than to gauge something like a piece of bacon..

Killer Instinct

The gleam of teeth
and the narrowing of eyes
The will I have to kill
all that I despise

S*! My previous post has 4 comments!

The title of this post has nothing to do with the content, but I didn't make a title for this poem, so in lieu of a title was the remark you saw precede this post.




In the meantime,
will be the meantime.
Back to real time,
all in good time.
Who am I til then,
You may not really know.
But once the magic happens
I to you it is I'll show.

Goodbye teaspoon

It's been you and me for a long time now
but it's time for us to part ways

---

That Patrick always eats cereal with a teaspoon
they would always say
But bigger better faster more
became the rule of today

Tablespoon, I know you're cut out for the task ahead.
It won't be easy, but I know you want it, so I'm gonna be with you every step of the way
feeling the gravity of food

so now what will they say
about this patrick who became just a little bit more like the way people remember normal
does he still eat canned spaghetti cold straight from the can?
oh yeah
sllllick

no such thing as failure

I set myself up
then proceeded to fall
I can't blame anyone
and I can't forgive myself
for doing this to myself again

you know, you think you'd learn
after all the pain

vacancy...

sorry planet

why have a perfect reason for unhappiness? shouldn't I be concocting the equations of my joy rather than proving and reproving the faultlines in the ground around me.

Don't close your eyes
it's not over yet

look at your hands
they made this

don't close your eyes
it's not over yet

look at your hands
so crafty with all those buttons

i don't get you

The focus carat so indistinct
I asked the air what you'd think
wave my arms and flag you down
you're the fish while I sit and drown

Front Row

I spend a lot of time with my eyes

Seeing what's in front of me

Why the light didn't shine

Answer the darknesses under me


Time to spend some time

Away what was known

See if I could regrow this

with the same seeds sown



What would it have looked like

If it had been allowed to starve

I can't imagine a grin

When life had been so hard.


Fortunate


Weighing the value of availability
Availing myself of opportunity
Legitimacy is controversy
the 'oh boy=meh w/e' equation is a function of time
The distance between coherent events is indeed slackening as time goes by
When I read that I knew that it was not a lie
I pity the machine who exists in the blink of an eye
that machine is us
Can this be built and rebuilt and is it natural
that this would happen anywhere
that we could conceive of a notion of everything
what small piece of the puzzle to assume
what grand entirety to loom
what ever happened to the peace of mind
for how many years have I tried to find
where have i been looking outside my view
i told them I wanted it in blue


I spend a lot of time with my eyes

Crying in the dark

Won't somebody please turn the light on

Is there nowhere a spark


Actually that's a lie

Unless you count from the beginning

Truth to tell I find

My memory is thinning


Attachment to attachment
even fades

Why I set out to start this
why I allowed it to unfold
There must've been good reasons
For all the shows that I've sold




I spend a lot of time with my ears

Listening to crickets

Imagining that they say

something that fits this

Put it out there

So carefully each step I tread
waiting for the abating of
we were wandering among shadows
until there was no light
I emerged from the fog like
what is this right?

Through a tunnel of my time to a door I put my hand on and the heat seared my flesh and yet I held on thinking surely anything this difficult to get must be worth the scorched flesh of my endurance.

Where have I been? To which places were we going.
Every color changing and yet immutable. How did you build this?

Wash it off.
Wash it all away.
You can't keep it here.
Only you can stay.

---

"Vicariously I
live while the whole world dies" -- TOOL

I was happy to find "Third Eye" for my piespace

---

We're into the claycourt season so I need everyone's help with something. I just want you to put a thought out there for Mr Federer. "Roger will win". Know it. Breathe it. Make it.

I chew need

I'll never stop trying to get what I want.

As long as I don't have what I want I keep my eyes moving to find what I want.

I am a "what-I-want" detector. The investigation of the environment which holds the things I want (for this is purely an external-type reference to one's pursuit model) is a multitaskable ability with the capacity of returns coming from several different locations simultaneously. The ability to correctly appraise value and take the most prudent steps with regard to obtaining the most value from your endeavours The ability to efficiently and effectively manage returns is the ability to grasp happiness.





Let's say there is an ultimate thing that I could want. I could probably tell when I was in its presence if my detector core melted from overload. The thing I want the most would be the thing that leaves me to want for the least. It would be like a fuse designed to burn out when a maximum threshold is reached. I wouldn't need to check the meter anymore because there would be no current in the function.

But I wonder, would I keep the meter?
Stashed in some shoebox of my mental closet?
Like some just-in-case because I could never really believe?
Would I feel doubt if I should ever recall I owned such a meter once upon a time?
Would I feel freedom if I envisioned such an event before I ever had such occasion to retire such a device?

And there lies the pain, the agony,
the perpetual falling short of omnibliss.
No human can contain it.
I face a struggle to constrain it.
Writhing gnashing always free
freer flying higher than me

yet somehow lost among twisted nothing
particular digital scribe's not bluffing
stopping a second to leave this behind
i could cast a shock and find you're mine

---

*coming soon*


If you don't throw you won't know
if you could ever make it stall on snow
when you throw it hard enough to find
that the yoyo has no need to unwind
**barber shop quartet: "but willll anywayyyyyYYY"**